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WWGD - What Would Gorthak Do?

Hail Gorthak! Whenever you encounter a moral dilemma in your life, you should ask yourself, "What Would Gorthak Do?" You should make refrigerator magnets and T-shirts for yourself to remind you of this using the acronym WWGD! You must obey Gorthak! Gorthak will crush you miserable humans! All hail Gorthak!!

Gorthak will answer your moral questions in this forum on morons.org! Gorthak will provide guidance to the infidels! All will praise the name of Gorthak as Gorthak reveals the true path to greatness! Gorthak is the one true source of all righteousness!

Praise be to Gorthak!

You will email questions to Gorthak!

Gorthak had retired from his glorious position of advice columnist, but Nick found Gorthak on the planet Xeldon XVII and asked Gorthak to return. Gorthak's first instinct was to destroy! Gorthak wanted to obliterate the miserable human with the odd hair! But then, Gorthak realized that retirement was boring Gorthak and Gorthak decided only to smite Nick and then return to lead the infidels.

Gorthak's first question comes to Gorthak anonymously:

Q: How do I know if a girl likes me or not?

A: Earth woman are mysterious creatures! But, mysterious as they are, it is possible for a cunning Earth male to uncover the truth! You must ask her if she would like to destroy with you! Question her to see if she would join you to topple the heavens and squash your enemies! If she says yes, then trust in Gorthak that she likes you.

Gorthak's next question is from Panthera:

Q: Gorthak, I like pornography. Nothing illegal, I just like looking at boobs and good pics of bush and chick's twats. My girlfriend says this is rude of me to do, even though I don't look at such pics in front of her. I don't even sleep around on my girl, I just look at pics in magazines and especially on-line. I just have a great passion for breasts and vaginas. Is this so wrong of me?

A: Gorthak loves porno! As Gorthak travels from galaxy to galaxy bringing about demolition and devastation, Gorthak passes the time by looking at Playzog! Gorthak says Panthera must destroy Panthera's girlfriend!! Panthera must exterminate the self-righteous whore! Panthera must look at porno and make an offering to the great god Masturbatos!

Next, Gorthak answers Ali's plea:

Q: All hail Gorthak the mighty! My question is this: What is the meaning of life?

A: Praised be the name of Gorthak! The almighty, all-knowing Gorthak! Gorthak is magnificent and powerful! It is right for you to hail Gorthak! The meaning of life is to destroy! Gorthak lives to annihilate his enemies, to level with the dust the nonbelievers, to extinguish those who do not praise the almighty name of Gorthak!

Gorthak's last question comes from a pansy bedwetter without a name:

Q: Gorthak... why all the destruction? Have you considered group therapy, or prescription medications?

A: Destruction is the way of the universe! It is destroy or be destroyed!! Do not question the way of the powerful Gorthak! Gorthak can destroy you! The power of Gorthak can seal your doom! The awesome might of Gorthak can blot you out entirely! Gorthak the powerful! Gorthak the mighty! Gorthak the supreme! Gorthak! Gorthak!!! Gorthak!!!